To All the Fatherless Women on Father's Day
You know who you are. Those of us who begin to feel a deep kind of sadness surface as Father's Day approaches, who realize that the sadness is always there, deep within, every day of our lives. He can be alive somewhere, or he can be gone, but he was never really there. At least not for you. You were invisible. Or disappointing. Or simply too unimportant. He's the reason, the therapists tell you, that your relationships with men are largely and often completely fucked. Why you chase the unavailable man, or the man who judges and shames you, the one who disregards you, and tells you it's all your fault. He's the reason you find it hard to trust anyone, or believe in yourself. He's the reason you are too easily swayed by external judgments about your beauty, your intellect, your worthiness. He's the reason you have Superwoman syndrome and a drive to be perfect, coupled with the crippling fear of your own deep and abiding imperfection. There are million